Make a List

Security, attention, intimacy, having a purpose, hugs, feeling like I belong, feeling trusted...
What's on your list? What are the emotional needs in your life?


(I'm waiting. You really are supposed to be making a list right now...)



Recently I took a good long look at my list. Spent several weeks looking at it, in fact. And when it was done, I realized that no job, friend, or even man can meet my list perfectly all the time. Only a Perfect God can... and will. So, look at your list again. Who are you expecting to fill it? Who are you expecting to fill You?

Philippians 4:19 says, "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

This verb, "to meet" means to finish - as in finish it so there is no more, to satisfy, to complete. Don't those words speak of 100%. It's not like doing laundry where (unless you're doing it naked) it's never done. He will take care of it. Period.

I love the word "needs" in Greek. Yes, it does mean your needs, what you require. But it also means what you want! Isn't that a sweet truth - that God gives us what we need, but He delights in giving us the little extras - our wants. Of course, He's always going to answer our wants wisely - and sometimes that might be a no. Or sometimes He will give us our wants even when He knows there are going to be some bad consequences. None the less, He knows. He knows what's on your list. And He knows what you feel silly about writing down.

And listen to this Greek word for "according to". It means "by any means, beyond measure". He's waiting to Wow you. The idea of glory in Scripture is that of having really heavy pockets full and overflowing with treasures. So this - "according to" is God digging in those pockets and pulling out one gift after another.

So, my friend. Make that list. But don't hand it to your husband. Don't hand it to your sister. Don't hand it to your friend. It belongs to the Lord. Let Him be the one to perfectly fulfill it. And if He uses your husband, sister or friend - than Glory be to Him. And if He uses the quietness of silent tears in a lonely night then Glory be to Him in that moment, too. He loves you. You belong to Him. He wants to meet your needs. He wants to fill you.

The Banana Philosophy

When I think about Haiti, I think of a place of peace, where I was grounded in a routine, in ministries, in languages and in relationships. But it wasn't always so. My first few years were horrible. I mean horrible. I was miserable. Now I can look back at those times and see that God was banana-ing me.
First He pealed me. He took away everything I was good at. Everything that made me feel like me. So often I prayed, "I can't take anymore." But He wasn't done. He then smooshed me - getting rid of philosophies and beliefs and the hardness of my soul.
And now... I sometimes think we're starting all over. My Self has grown back up, and though I look different, there is still more that needs to be pealed... more needs to be smooshed.
And even though it hurts, His hand is gentle.

It's for His glory, you know. It doesn't seem glorious now. It doesn't seem full of the good fruit of the Spirit. It is so not fun. But, in the end what is is that we really want? We want God. And if this is what it takes, so be it. He will be faithful.

"Lord, I give up all my own purposes and plans, all my own desires and hopes and ambitions, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee, to be Thine forever. I hand over to Thy keeping all my friendships; all the people whom I love are to take a second place in my heart. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Work out Thy whole will in my life, at any cost, now and forever." --Betty Stam (wife of John Stam mentioned on page 13 in our study book)

The Weight of Esther's Calling

In counseling people I love, I often see how in the midst of a challenge, God is calling her to rise in His strength. I often quote the call of Esther. Who knows that you've come to this position for such a time as this? Think of all the things that had to be in place for Esther to have the opportunity to save her people: Her parents died. She was taken in by a relative. She was beautiful. The queen disobeyed the king. Lots of alcohol. The king's advisers advised getting rid of the old queen and finding a new one. A man wouldn't bow. The man he wouldn't bow to decided that killing the non-bowing man was not enough; he would kill a whole people group. The king had a thing for Esther. The man who wouldn't bow saved the king's life. He happened to be the relative that took care of Esther. The king couldn't sleep one night and had his old records read out loud to him... etc., etc., etc.
And you. Look at all the little things that it took for you to stand right here.
And I know you don't take it lightly. If it were easy, you wouldn't have to stand up to do it. For Esther, it meant facing the possibility of death. And I know that's how you feel. Where's the energy? Where's the hope? Where's the support you need? This wasn't what you expected. It's not what you bargained for.
But, Esther made a decision. She said Yes. "If I die, I die." Real death.
And your death? Failure. Disappointment. A torn relationship. Embarrassment.
But, Esther made another decision. Pray, she said. Have everyone pray. For three days. Don't even eat. Pray, pray, pray.
Maybe it's time for you to stand up. Maybe it's time for you to say yes. Maybe it's time for you to step out and risk it all. Demand that I pray with you.

Not Where I Was Looking

I have had a crazy week. One that is emotionally draining, physically exhausting and even spiritually it has felt, well long. This morning I woke up two hours too early after having gone to bed two hours too late last night. This is the first place I've ever lived where I can't see the sunrise. And I miss it. So, my commitment is that if the Lord does wake me up early, I will try to go watch the sun waking up, too. But I haven't been able to find it. Today, I wound up the hill that my apartment leans up against. And I went up, up, up (when does a hill become a mountain?) and zigzagged back and forth, but the road never took me to the east side. I could tell the sun was on the move, I just couldn't get there. So, I gave up. I crawled back in bed.
Sometimes, we have seasons like that. We feel like we're chasing the Lord. We just want to reach Him. We're climbing and we're wiggling and we're just bound and determined to find Him. We are waiting for His voice in the raging wind. In the earthquake. In the fire. But, like Elijah, we can't hear Him.
So, I laid back in bed, thinking. I'll be honest and say that I wasn't even praying. I wrote an email. Found a good quote. Just rested. And waves of peace and comfort rolled over me. And then my iPod's alarm came on. Songs of worship and Truth. Songs of God's glory and His passion for me and for the lost. And the words and the music ministered to me. And God spoke.
Not in the sunrise. Not in the physical activity of walking and trying to pray. Not in the beauty of the gardens or villas or even the vistas overlooking the city. He spoke through my head on my comfy pillow and my worship play list.
A still small voice.
He does promise that He'll be found. Just maybe not where we are looking. Surprise us, oh, Lord.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yubLGTOcm8c&feature=related

Ugly On the Outside

Where my narrow street meets the big road, there is a little fruit and veggie market. Little. But bursting forth with brilliant colors, so much so, that crates and tables overflow to the very edge of the street. Claudia greets me with, "Ahh! Darling!" Today her helper giggled as they both ran around the shop cleaning their jewels and holding an ice cream stick. "We work in a vegetable market and every day we eat ice cream!" And everyday I go to see what deliciousness they have new.
Today, I went to buy veggies to make salsa and fruit to fill my fruit bowl. I picked a handful of beautiful, rich-red tomatoes. The other worker, a dark skin boy, said, "For your house? No! You need something better. Try these. They are sweeter and heavy with flavor." But they were ugly. Long and with yellowy patches. "These are the best."
So often, we want our "fruit" to look good. I want it to appear orderly and perfect. No spots. No discoloration. A perfect specimen. But, it's true, isn't it - that most times the most delicious fruit are the ones that aren't perfect.
So, maybe my kitchen isn't spotless. And maybe I mess up on the lyrics of a song. And maybe I send a birthday card late.
Maybe I need to be thinking about how my fruit tastes instead of what it looks like on the outside.